Post Pregnancy Pregnancy Dreams March 3, 2013

I will readily admit that I have ALWAYS had weird dreams. When I was in 4th grade I had a dream that a bunch of wild animals stormed our housing development. I had conversations with lions and gazelles. In my mind it made PERFECT sense that a large variety of African animals would be storming PA in the winter.

There are tons of others…like the one where I went grocery shopping with Zac Brown’s guitarist…or the one where my mom asked me to go knock down and ant hill and I was swarmed by quarter sized fire ants that embedded themselves under my skin…or the one where my family sent me to Barbados for three months and took all my money because they wanted me to learn to be a survivalist so when I got there I learned how to make rum and drank tropical drinks for three months. My all time favorite has to be the one where I caught a friend of mine with her boyfriend that she never wanted any of us to meet…when I saw that it was Mickey Rourke, I understood why.

( I can’t look at a photo of the man without cracking up! It may be the dream…but I am starting to think it is just him)

They are not all fun and games however. I had some of the worst pregnancy dreams. I still remember them vividly and they are too disturbing to share here…

Last night’s dream falls somewhere between grocery shopping guitarists and disturbing.

I am sending my son to preschool for the first time this week. For the last three years, I have been his full time caregiver, unless Ebun was there to babysit him. (there was also that time I was so sick I thought I was going to die and another dear friend her and hubby came to my rescue…I will always love her for that! AMS, this love is for you!)  It was a hard decision for me to send him and clearly it is causing me some internal strife.  Read on…

Last night I had a dream that I sent him to school and they did not approve of the brand of milk that I sent him to drink so they called Child Protective Services on me. When I went to pick him up for the day, no one told me anything. They acted like they didn’t even know who I was. DAYS went by before I was able to learn anything about my child and when I heard what had happened I went crazy. I called someone (who, I don’t know) and lost it…sobbing and wailing and losing my mind…and all they said was “oh…it’s you! I don’t know what to tell ya…you just gotta move on” (HORRIBLE!) I spent extreme amounts of time trying to track down my child, getting more and more desperate at every turn. I finally found him, in a bassinet in some old man’s house. He was covered in tea towels and his bassinet was full of little yippy dogs that wouldn’t let me near him. I am happy to report that I was able to snatch him out of the dog pit and after sustaining a few bites and nips (a few dog teeth stuck to my shirt) I was happily reunited with my son.

I woke up several times during this dream and every time I closed my eyes I went right back to it. I knew, as it was happening, that it was weird and not true but I woke up panicked each time. It was horrible and bizarre and all I could think was “I thought those kind of dreams only happened when pregnant!”

In closing, I would just like to say that the boy will be going to preschool this week….with juice!

~C

The Definition of Insanity February 28, 2013

Anyone who knows me knows that I spend 1/2 my life pulling my hair out because my son pushes me to the brink of insanity. The child climbs everything (Last night he climbed my chair in the living room and jumped THROUGH the table next to it and did it all before I knew he wasn’t on the floor anymore!) and is in every room, in everything he is not supposed to be, all at the same time. There are days I feel like I should just lay down and die before he can kill me because I am sure that death is imminent and I WILL have control of the last seconds of my life since I can clearly not control anything else. You know that scene in “Mr. Mom” where Michael Keaton’s washing machine goes crazy, his son sets off the smoke detector while making lunch, the baby is zooming around in the walker & eating canned chili and the vacuum cleaner takes on a life of it’s own? I HAVE LIVED THAT!! I know first hand just how badly MK wants to cry, scream and crap his pants while running down the street, never looking back. I am not saying this is an everyday thing, but…

Having said that, I have to ask just what the hell is wrong with me! I decided that I would take on a second little boy, 40 hours a week. This kiddo is the same age as my son and behaves just like him! Somehow, I have deluded myself into believing that this is a good thing for my kid; that somehow it is going to calm him down and distract him from his usual insanity. In the back of my head, however, there is a tiny voice that I am trying my best to ignore and it’s telling me “WOMAN!!! YOU ARE FLIPPIN INSANE!!! RUN!! RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!” but here I sit.

I cannot lie. I am semi-excited. WHY!? I have no freakin’ clue! I just am. I remember how much my son loved having the little one I used to take care of  to play with. He was able to tell you that it was time for  the little one to arrive…and he was right. He LOVED having a pal to chum around with…someone to boss around….someone to hug and do things with…someone who thought that poop and boogies were as cool as he did. I am excited to give that to him again…even though it will push me past the brink of insanity and I am sure that somewhere, a little southern paper’s headline will read “Crazy lady, found naked, rolling in a mud puddle while reciting the ABC’s in her best Elmo voice”.

~C

Looking for Something to Do With Those Empty Toilet Paper Rolls? February 22, 2013

For some reason, I felt like I should keep my empty t.p. rolls….and now I have an overabundance of them. (It would have behooved me to have a purpose for them when I started saving them because I have enough of them to arm the entire neighborhood with today’s craft project. *sigh*)

 

Anyway….

 

I recalled that somewhere along the line, either as a big sister, a baby sitter, a classroom aid in a daycare or in my Childhood Development classes, we made binoculars out of T.P. rolls.  This was perfect timing because B is a huge fan of playing “explorer” right now so we took to the task of making him a set. It was so easy…and took no time.

HERE’S WHAT YOU WILL NEED:

2 empty tp rolls

glue gun

markers/crayons/paint/stickers (whatever you want to use to decorate them)

ribbon/string/yarn (something to make a strap with)

 

Start by plugging in your glue gun so it is ready to use when you need it

Set up your little one with the rolls and the chosen decorating tools and let them go to town. (While they are doing this, the adult can cut the ribbon they will need to use as a strap)

 

 

After you have accomplished the task of decorating your one of a kind binoculars, it’s time for an adult to glue them together. Just run a line of hot glue along the side of one of the tubes and press the two tubes together.

Now, add a dot of glue on the inside of the tube, but on the outside curve, on both tubes and attach your ribbon.

When you are done, you should have something that looks a little like this:

 

That’s it!

Now, if you are into something a little more structured and decorative, you can find instructions on how to make camo binoculars here: http://www.freekidscrafts.com/binoculars-e1148.html

I am sure that if you search Pinterest, there are lots of patterns and ideas, but I prefer to let B make his own design.

Ok…go enjoy yourselves and let us see some of those lovely creations!

~C

I’m sorry…you tossed your cookies on my wha?? February 20, 2013

My son has an uncanny knack for throwing up anywhere but somewhere that is easy to clean up. One day we were on our way home from Country Cupboard. We were about 5 minutes from our house and I heard it. I knew, without checking my little baby finder mirror, what had just happened. He just ralphed chocolate milk all over my new car’s leather interior and carpeting. (Please join in the collective gasp and groan of everyone reading this who has ever experienced such a thing) Now I am faced with trying to clean up a toddler, his car seat and cleaning the interior of my car. (WHY did I not date a nurse or doctor or some guy down at the local car detailing shop??)

I got B out of the car and cleaned up and decided to take on the car seat because I was running out of daylight. I wasn’t about to take it into my house, so with the sun setting I was standing at our well’s pump with a cell phone to my ear, tapping the knowledge of one of my more experienced mommy friends. Between her hysterical laughter and gasping for breath she informed me she wasn’t sure what to do. *sigh*

I finally took it apart and dumped boiling water over the car seat ( I don’t advise this). I got to the car and was praising Jesus that he had not succeeded at throwing up on my seats, but my floor, on the other hand was not so lucky. Another friend of mine suggested scrubbing, blotting and applying a liberal amount of baking soda to the spot over night and then vacuuming it up. So that’s what I did.

After the chaos died down and I was able to get B into bed, I decided to research how to remove the smell and such, just in case the previous attempt had not worked. I found all kinds of hints and none of them really seemed logical to me, but some of them had logical parts so I took bits and pieces of this suggestion and that hint and came up with my own idea. My son, being ever so helpful and willing to offer me new opportunities, crawled into my bed that night around 3am and proceeded to barf all over my freshly changed sheets, new pillows and mattress. (YAY!!!!! )

Time to put my concoction to the test.

Here’s what I did.

Obviously, you have to clean up the mess first… a rag, hot water to dampen the rag. Once you have the mess cleared scrub the spot with the following mixture.

In a bucket (yes, ironic, I know) combine,

Hot Water (about 1/2 of the bucket full)

White Vinegar ( a nice hefty amount…3-4 cups)

Dr. Bronner’s Castile Soap (1/2 cup or so)

It will look milky and smell kinda gross, but you are just gonna have to trust me on this one. Scrub the spot thoroughly and then, if you are neurotic like me, scrub it again, just to be safe.

Now, sprinkle a nice thick layer of baking soda on the spot and let the baking soda absorb the remaining moisture. I let my bed sit until mid afternoon just to make sure. (If you have it you can add a mixture of baking soda and a little carpet fresh to the area. The carpet fresh is nice, but not necessary) Once it is dry, vacuum up the baking soda and pat yourself on the back for conquering the mess!

I am sure this sounds slightly odd, but trust me…it is the greatest solution I have found. Try it…I promise you will not be disappointed!

 

~C

Why oh why? February 19, 2013

Howdy,

Christina here. Some may ask why we decided to create this blog. It is because we are three of the funniest people we know. (At least we like to think so!) Truthfully, it’s because we all have something that we feel could help someone out there, even if it is just with a chuckle. None of us are the type to sugar coat anything so we will call it like we see it which is, usually, a good thing.

I don’t know specifics. Heidi will contribute what Heidi want to contribute as will Ebun. I am sure that there will be some life ponderings, helpful baking hints, helpful childcare tips and the occasional back and forth between all three of us.

I plan to tell my experiences as a single mom of a little boy who, at the age of 2, had been to the ER so many times that the local ambulance company sent HIM a membership application. (No worries, it was because he is a thrill seeker who knows no fear and got hurt…not because he was sick. Not that getting hurt is a good thing, or something we strive for in this house…but you know what I am sayin’.) I am always looking for new ways to keep him busy and out of trouble. I will share my successes…and the not quite so successful attempts.  I also dabble in making my own cleaning products and other random craftiness.

So, this was a long way of saying that we hope that you are able to find someone or something you relate to here and that at the end of it all you walk away having laughed and maybe even learned something!

See Ya Soon! 

~C

Laundry Detergent ($1.00 for 3 months supply)

Like I have said before, I am always looking for a way to save a buck. I used to HATE going to the store to buy laundry soap. The stuff is out of control in the price department and half the time it doesn’t get out the crud my child grinds into his clothing.  It USED to drive me nuts… until I discovered the easiest, cheapest alternative EVER!!

All you need is:

Fels-Naptha Soap (one bar)

A Large Sauce Pan

A Cheese Grater or Food Processor

Your Old Laundry Detergent Jug (If you don’t have it, any old gallon jug will work. Just make sure you can seal it well and have a way to measure out the detergent)

A Wooden Spoon (a sturdy one!)

A large mixing bowl

A Hand blender (if you don’t have one, your trusty wooden spoon and a nice set of arm muscles will work but I highly suggest going to Walmart and picking one up. It’s well worth the $10-$20 you will spend.  We will use it a lot throughout our blog adventures)

A Funnel

Rinse your old detergent bottle well and fill it with warm water. Empty half of the water into the pan. Heat the water until it boils and turn off. While you wait for the water to boil , chop your bar of soap into small chunks if you plan to use a food processor. Run through the food processor (using the pulse feature) until it is a mealy texture. Add it to the water on the stove. Turn water back on to low and stir frequently, until soap is dissolved. Once the soap has dissolved, remove the pan from the heat and let sit. ( I usually start the process about a half hour before nap time so that it can sit and cool during nap)

You will know its cool when it looks like a gelled pudding. At this point, I take a spatula (or knife or scoop or whatever you want to use) and divide the glop into equal parts. Keeping one section separate from the rest, which I then bag up and put in the bottom of my fridge.(It keeps it from getting gooey and less chance of a mess)

Now, take the portion that you set aside and put it in the mixing bowl. pour the remaining water in the detergent bottle in the bowl. Fully submerged your hand blender and go to town. It will only take a minute to get the soap broken back down.  Once it is combined, pour back into detergent bottle and top off the bottle with a warm water (turn the tap on so that the water runs slowly…too fast and you will end up with serious suds). Once it’s full, place the lid back on the bottle, give it a few good shakes and call it a day.

I LOVE this stuff. It’s all I use. It takes care of the boy crud and any stink…and it has the added bonus of making my laundry area smell delightful. I love it.

You may notice that as it sits, it starts to get thick…just add a little more water to it and give it a shake. If it gets too thick you can always pour it back into the mixing bowl, add water and run the hand blender through it.

Good Luck…let me know what you think!

~C

 

**NOTE**

It is SO important that you do not let this boil. Once it starts it takes it forever to stop and it will do one of three things:

1. Continue to boil even though you have removed it from the hot burner

2. Make a huge mess

3. A combination of 1&2 PLUS the added bonus of boiling up out of the pan and all over your hands. NOT FUN!!

Please be careful!

Are you supposed to use baking soda for actual baking?

So here is what I have noticed about myself. Roughly every other month or so, I find myself in Sam’s Club looking for a mondo satchel of baking soda. The bag is so huge that they have the measurements for the pH of your swimming pool! It’s serious folks.

Here’s the thing though…I rarely use it for baking!

I use it for everything else. It’s in my fabric softener, I use it to clean my stove-top, my bathtub and my toilet. I use it when I have a kid that has the flu and didn’t quite make it to the garbage can or bathroom in time (THAT trick is FABULOUS! I will post the How To’s shortly) and to put in stinky old rain boots that brought home the majority of mud puddles in town. I make my own carpet freshener with it as well.

I also use it in a tooth whitening paste that I found a recipe for on Pinterest. (How did I survive without Pinterest?)

There’s also the old vinegar and baking soda sensory table for kids…

Seriously! This is the greatest stuff ever. It’s right up there with white vinegar!

~C