threefunnyvoices

Life, How To's, and Other Various Ramblings

Ice Cream Dough July 24, 2013

As previously mentioned in other posts, it is hotter than hot here. Maybe it is because we are freshly relocated and this is our first summer below the Mason Dixon…but I personally think it’s just HOT.  It’s so bad that the other day I asked my little one to come outside with me and he ran excitedly to the door, stopped short of crossing the threshold and then he said “Mama…it’s too hot! I’m going to color!”. This is coming from the child who lives to be outside.  Unfortunately part of the conditions for living in the complex we live in is no swimming pools or hoses. This is not cool…literally or figuratively.

Now I am faced with finding things to keep him occupied inside…and have a limited budget for new products at the moment. Can you say “challenging”?  I set to scouring Pinterest for new ideas and I found this one .

How could it possibly be as cool as it seems? Well, trust me when I say that it is! We are just cleaning up from 90 minutes of hardcore playtime.

Since I have this need to eyeball most measurements when it comes to things like this, I know I didn’t make it exactly right but we came darn close. And the best part is that it cost me less than a $1.

We dumped approximately 1 ½ cups of cornstarch into a mixing bowl. Then I took all the conditioner samples I have laying around the house. I figured out which ones would smell similar and took to squeezing 9 little packages into the cornstarch. I started to mix it and instead of coming together as a dough, it was mealy. I added  water about a teaspoon at a time until it started to come together as a dough. Once it got to the consistency I liked, I divided it into three equal(ish) balls and placed them in their own little containers.  Then I added about half a pack each of Duncan Hines Frosting Creations Flavor Packets. They worked GREAT! Added a nice color and even made the dough smell like something other than conditioner.

We gathered all of the little plastic ice cream cones we have for the boys kitchen set, various dishes and “Toppings”. After the spread was all set up we went to town. It was a great way to pass the time without any kind of screen in front of us and he thought I was actually letting him play in ice cream. Crazy kid….

~C

 

PS….sorry that the photos are all of smooshed ice cream. It really does ball up nice and look like ice cream but someone in these photos couldn’t let them stay looking pretty. He needed to smash them all. Boys…

 

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Why is the male species so wimpy when they are sick? June 6, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — threefunnyvoices @ 10:44 pm
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It’s no secret that we have been sick in this house as of late. In the last month there has been a shingles outbreak, an encounter with poison ivy, an ear infection and now my son is on his third bout of chicken pox. Yes, that’s right….his THIRD bout. I am less than excited about this for many reasons. I do not appreciate that my child has to go through all of this yet again, but I have to say that he is a trooper. He doesn’t scratch a lot and while he has his whiny moments, overall, he is in good spirits and super duper lovey. (It makes me sad that he has to be sick to give me my snuggle fill, but I will take it where I can get it)

This got me to thinking….when is it that men become such huge babies when they are sick? I mean, seriously? We all have that one (probably more) man in our lives who is so incredibly pathetic about having to deal with an illness. The first one I can recall in my life was my father. HUGE BABY! He would lay on the couch and groan and pout. I learned early on that it was ridiculous.

Later, I got married and that man took it to a whole new level. He used to ask me to sit and rub his head until he fell asleep. He would cry…yes…cry…because his nose was stuffed up. We went to the ER one night because of a UTI, which while painful is manageable, especially when we went to the ER at midnight and his Dr.’s office opened at 8am.

We also had a cat who (because “it would suck if someone chopped off MY manhood”…wise words of the ex-husband) got very territorial one night. I had friends that came over and they brought their new baby. I was holding the baby and I could see the fire in the cat’s eyes. I asked my husband to pick him up and chill him out. So, instead of moving slowly, he swooped in to pick him up and the cat went INSANE and bit and scratched the ever living crap out of hubster’s arm. I clearly remember seeing the cat hanging from his wrist, using only it’s teeth. After the insanity had stopped and I had a chance to tend to my husband’s arm, I got him cleaned up and cleaned the wounds. We wrapped it and kept a close eye on it. (Please do not think I am making light of the situation. It was scary and had the husband cried, I would have totally understood…but he took it like a man and I was impressed)

Life was good until one day he was listening to the radio and Sweaty Teddy started belting out his biggest hit…”Cat Scratch Fever”. After that, it was on. For YEARS the ex swore that he had Cat Scratch Fever because of the run in with the cat and if he thought about it too long he would start with fake symptoms.

Then, one day, he got chicken pox (Apparently caring for those with the pox is my calling in life) and OH MY GOD!!! Just shoot me! He whined and cried and whimpered about every little thing. At the time, we had no TV in our bedroom and he found this to be unacceptable so one night during his epic pox battle, he sniffled and pouted about not being able to see tv in bed. It was insanely late at night…like 2 or 3am…and I asked him what he wanted me to do about (HUGE! MISTAKE!!). His response was “Well, will you move the bed into the family room?”

MOVE THE BED!!! MOVE! THE! BED!!!!

I don’t know what is more ridiculous…the fact that he had the balls to ask me to do it or the fact that I DID IT!

Fast forward 10 years, 1 divorce and a rekindling of a romance with my high school sweetheart.

He had a chronic illness that made him feel like he had the flue 24/7. He took it in stride and I was impressed. I thought that maybe, just maybe I had found a man…a real man…the kind that doesn’t cry because of a paper cut. Then, allergy season hit. Lord have mercy! You would think he was John Travolta in the Boy in the Plastic Bubble.

I get it. Allergies suck….chicken pox are evil…UTI’s are hellish and Cat Scratch Fever?? Well, there are just no words. But ya know what…women (for the most part) don’t become ridiculous piles of gelatinous self pity. So, I ask you…when do men go from being Super Duper Party Troopers when they are sick to being previously mentioned blobs of whine?

I think I know the answer. I think that every man starts out as a tough guy. I think that they all learn, throughout childhood, that they can handle most any illness that comes their way. Life is good and while they still want a mom hug and some of her sickness expertise, they do not cling like day old boogers on the wall.

Years pass and suddenly they meet “that” girl. The one that is bound to be their first long term relationship. The one who accepts their oddities and even embraces them. The one that makes their world a much better place…THE ONE THAT CODDLES THEM WHEN THEY ARE SICK! Most of us women have been there. We are nurturers. The majority of us show our love by caring for others in some fashion and when we are teenagers, we seize the day and throw all of our tendencies at our man when he is sick.

THIS, ladies, is when it happens. They realize that their illness evokes pity from their lady and once they realize how good they have it with that first one, they expect the rest of us to do it…every. single. time!

So, can we change the evolution of womankind? Probably not…so here is my hope. I hope that one day, after I am no longer cool enough, that my son finds that perfect woman. I hope that she is everything he ever wanted…and I hope that when he is sick, she tells him to suck it up and make his own damn soup! This is the girl that I will approve of him marrying!

 

 

How 2 Cups of Flour and 2 Cups of Water Saved My Sanity April 22, 2013

By the time the milk paintings were complete, I thought that B was ready to calmly face the world. HOLY MOSES WAS I WRONG!!

What to do? What to do?

Then I remembered reading a post a while back about “Magic Playdough” The woman who wrote the post makes astronomical amounts of plain play dough every year for the first day of school. She separated the dough into individual balls (saving two balls to use later), pushed a well into the top and added 7-10 drops of food coloring into the well. Then, she took took the two balls she had held back, and used little pieces to plug the hole in the others. The goal is to have a collection of plain colored balls that look like there is nothing special about them. She then wrapped them up, added a little note about “mix and mash and if color should appear, it will be a great school year”. I thought this was adorable and wanted to try it at home…sort of.

We obviously did not need 50 balls of play dough so I scaled the recipe WAY back and added a little extra something to it. Here is what I came up with.

Magic Play Dough

2 cups of flour

2 cups of water

Lavender Essential Oil

place all ingredients in a pan on the stove and cook slowly (while stirring regularly) until it comes together and looks like dough. When it is done, place it on a piece of wax paper and knead it until it is nice and smooth. Divide into 6 balls and put two back. With the remaining 4, use your thumb to push a well into the balls. Add 7-10 drops of food coloring per ball. Fill hole with pieces of dough from extra 2 balls and GENTLY form them so that they look like a plain white ball of dough.

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As the dough was cooling, I lined the table with some wax paper and taped it down and got some plastic silverware and other small things that would make fun imprints in the dough.

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Then I unleashed the wild child on his first real encounter with play dough…

We mushed, and folded, and mushed and folded and mushed and folded and mushed and folded…

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And ended up with these (I would add more red food coloring next time)

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It took no time for him to discover that it smelled good (and all that lavender helped calm him down…like, whoa)

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And it felt good

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And because I made it, I knew exactly what was in it and I didn’t freak out when he did this…

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Let the games begin…

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And THAT is how 2 cups of flour and 2 cups of water (and a little Lavender Oil)  saved my sanity!

The dough will store nicely in ziploc bags and keep for quite some time. Best use of flour and water I have seen in weeks!

~C

PS: As I sat, enjoying the quiet stillness that this activity blessed me with, I couldn’t help but think that this would make for a GREAT party favor for your little ones birthday party…especially if it is a Magic theme!

 

It started out so simple… March 25, 2013

And it became a HUGE mess!

While my boy and I were out at Kids Fest this weekend, we stumbled upon an activity center that had gallon bags full of shaving cream and food coloring. The kid LOVED it and it was simple enough that I knew I could replicate it at home, which is exactly what we did this morning.

It started out simple enough. Gather a few gallon zip seal bags, a can of shaving cream and some food coloring.

I let the kiddos spray the shaving cream into the bags and choose the colors they wanted to use. (Shockingly, they both wanted to use the same colors. Now, had I suggested this, it would have been the beginnings of WWIII, but since they did it on their own, it was the best idea they had all morning!)

After sealing the bags, they set to squishing…

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…and pounding…

and adding more colors.

Then they realized that we could OPEN the bags and play with the stuff inside which meant I better act fast. I stripped them down to their skivvies and plopped them in the tub. Lord above did they have fun. From this point on, it all got a little fuzzy. There was slipping and sliding, giggles, splatters of shaving cream flying and LOVELY artwork being created right before my very eyes. When all was said and done, we ended with this scene…..

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If you ask the kids, it is the best thing they have done EVER and they would like to do it when we get together again tomorrow. MOM on the other hand thinks that this much excitement should be experienced once every few months!

 

~C

 

How to Appear Manic to the ENTIRE WORLD!!! March 15, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — threefunnyvoices @ 10:19 pm
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If you haven’t read my post from earlier this evening, this will not make any sense. I will sound like a mom boo-hoo’ing about her sick kid…

Since my last rambling and selfish display, I have had to make a temporary bed for my child, in the bathroom, with the shower on as hot as it can get so I could get some steam action for him. A simple humidifier was not cutting the mustard…and thank God for my medic friend who reminded me of this trick. (Which, subsequently, I learned back in the day while watching Terms of Endearment) For a brief time, the boy slept…soundly…and without struggling to breathe. Then, just like that, it was over.

There is not enough hot tea, Vicks or steam in the world to get this kid to get a nice deep breath. So now I am sitting here hoping and praying that we don’t have to make the 30 minute drive to the closest ER in the middle of the night. I want so badly to make everything ok for him…to hear him sleep without snorting and snarfing for every breath. When he wakes up crying it breaks my heart and there’s not a damn thing I can do. Having a sick kid SUCKS!

Thankfully (?) I have come to the realization that I am not going to sleep again tonight. Accepting it is just necessary at this point. This, however, has allowed me the ability to prop him upright in a bean bag and set up a stock pot on the stove to steam the front half of the apartment. Hopefully this will give him the chance he needs to get some good healing sleep so that tomorrow we don’t have to go through this all again.

In closing, I would like to thank all those parents who over medicated their children and used cold medicine to turn their kids into zombies so that I can sit here tonight, without an option to medicate my boy who would greatly appreciate it. You guys are awesome and deserve Parent of the Decade awards! Bravo!

~C

 

Post Pregnancy Pregnancy Dreams March 3, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — threefunnyvoices @ 7:26 pm
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I will readily admit that I have ALWAYS had weird dreams. When I was in 4th grade I had a dream that a bunch of wild animals stormed our housing development. I had conversations with lions and gazelles. In my mind it made PERFECT sense that a large variety of African animals would be storming PA in the winter.

There are tons of others…like the one where I went grocery shopping with Zac Brown’s guitarist…or the one where my mom asked me to go knock down and ant hill and I was swarmed by quarter sized fire ants that embedded themselves under my skin…or the one where my family sent me to Barbados for three months and took all my money because they wanted me to learn to be a survivalist so when I got there I learned how to make rum and drank tropical drinks for three months. My all time favorite has to be the one where I caught a friend of mine with her boyfriend that she never wanted any of us to meet…when I saw that it was Mickey Rourke, I understood why.

( I can’t look at a photo of the man without cracking up! It may be the dream…but I am starting to think it is just him) Oliver Stone, Mickey Rourke

They are not all fun and games however. I had some of the worst pregnancy dreams. I still remember them vividly and they are too disturbing to share here…

Last night’s dream falls somewhere between grocery shopping guitarists and disturbing.

I am sending my son to preschool for the first time this week. For the last three years, I have been his full time caregiver, unless Ebun was there to babysit him. (there was also that time I was so sick I thought I was going to die and another dear friend her and hubby came to my rescue…I will always love her for that! AMS, this love is for you!)  It was a hard decision for me to send him and clearly it is causing me some internal strife.  Read on…

Last night I had a dream that I sent him to school and they did not approve of the brand of milk that I sent him to drink so they called Child Protective Services on me. When I went to pick him up for the day, no one told me anything. They acted like they didn’t even know who I was. DAYS went by before I was able to learn anything about my child and when I heard what had happened I went crazy. I called someone (who, I don’t know) and lost it…sobbing and wailing and losing my mind…and all they said was “oh…it’s you! I don’t know what to tell ya…you just gotta move on” (HORRIBLE!) I spent extreme amounts of time trying to track down my child, getting more and more desperate at every turn. I finally found him, in a bassinet in some old man’s house. He was covered in tea towels and his bassinet was full of little yippy dogs that wouldn’t let me near him. I am happy to report that I was able to snatch him out of the dog pit and after sustaining a few bites and nips (a few dog teeth stuck to my shirt) I was happily reunited with my son.

I woke up several times during this dream and every time I closed my eyes I went right back to it. I knew, as it was happening, that it was weird and not true but I woke up panicked each time. It was horrible and bizarre and all I could think was “I thought those kind of dreams only happened when pregnant!”

In closing, I would just like to say that the boy will be going to preschool this week….with juice!

~C

 

The Definition of Insanity February 28, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — threefunnyvoices @ 7:53 pm
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Anyone who knows me knows that I spend 1/2 my life pulling my hair out because my son pushes me to the brink of insanity. The child climbs everything (Last night he climbed my chair in the living room and jumped THROUGH the table next to it and did it all before I knew he wasn’t on the floor anymore!) and is in every room, in everything he is not supposed to be, all at the same time. There are days I feel like I should just lay down and die before he can kill me because I am sure that death is imminent and I WILL have control of the last seconds of my life since I can clearly not control anything else. You know that scene in “Mr. Mom” where Michael Keaton’s washing machine goes crazy, his son sets off the smoke detector while making lunch, the baby is zooming around in the walker & eating canned chili and the vacuum cleaner takes on a life of it’s own? I HAVE LIVED THAT!! I know first hand just how badly MK wants to cry, scream and crap his pants while running down the street, never looking back. I am not saying this is an everyday thing, but…

Having said that, I have to ask just what the hell is wrong with me! I decided that I would take on a second little boy, 40 hours a week. This kiddo is the same age as my son and behaves just like him! Somehow, I have deluded myself into believing that this is a good thing for my kid; that somehow it is going to calm him down and distract him from his usual insanity. In the back of my head, however, there is a tiny voice that I am trying my best to ignore and it’s telling me “WOMAN!!! YOU ARE FLIPPIN INSANE!!! RUN!! RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!” but here I sit.

I cannot lie. I am semi-excited. WHY!? I have no freakin’ clue! I just am. I remember how much my son loved having the little one I used to take care of  to play with. He was able to tell you that it was time for  the little one to arrive…and he was right. He LOVED having a pal to chum around with…someone to boss around….someone to hug and do things with…someone who thought that poop and boogies were as cool as he did. I am excited to give that to him again…even though it will push me past the brink of insanity and I am sure that somewhere, a little southern paper’s headline will read “Crazy lady, found naked, rolling in a mud puddle while reciting the ABC’s in her best Elmo voice”.

~C

 

 
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